Exposed – Emotional creativity versus financial One

That’s a fragile tenuous line.

A self conscious dilemma.

Yes..I bet you’ve been there. 

And if you are smart enough to assume the additional weights that come with the camera, I don’t refer to innumerable accessories, neither extending my focus on the responsibility or implied obligations when you accept, and from that on, you wake up, sleep ad survive by the term professional photographer.

The weights that  come anyway, when your eyes, wanderers and restless are frozen and for seconds, a beginning, a trace, a story, expectations possess imagination , an abstract meaning to an immediate reality

You register, dig, create…you hold tight, strong, and in the end of the marathon you feel that the weight isn’t that simple or soft as they promote in the stereotype of “being photographer for a living”. Trivial doesn’t suit you. This is the package you don’t buy, that isn’t in sale, the passive non imposed piece brought with the camera: Ladies and gentleman…our  Super  Star: the  creativity itself. The precious tool. The weight you begin to carry but suddenly that’s her carrying you along  later on. And from that “later on”, witnessing the routes of this crossroad…as a pincer putting apart the half parts of a  body in indistinguishable junction, the feet jumping from one side to another, two faces of the coin, the seduction of both worlds.

The encouragement of the impressed photo editor redefining the value of the shutter and the power of the right time, dribbling the uncomfortable, dry monthly struggle for the survival of your bank account. You listen the murmurs and mumbles, then, the digits coming as transference of relief . “Uff…I’m saved”

Don’t underestimate the dilemma. Breathe and open the eyes…your feet still in equilibrium challenging the tightrope, the up coming  fall, and there they are facing trembling to the other side

The encouragement of those eyes begging for truths in agreements, confronting different forms of rationality and when they escape the trance, they wake up in consciousness scenarios bigger than those printings in frames hung up on the wall. SOS for vanity, and efforts to help out some ego immune system defense

And the balance again:

The tight relation with the direct object, of the idea of defined ruling, to cede to the press capriciousness, the mass audience curiosity, and to beat the rivalry at the editor room. And in the end of the race, the pulse of adrenaline and the most viable story portrait was determined, you carry the camera but you aren’t the storyteller. You do your job and what you’ve asked for. You manage to think like them. They stamp it in the first page. They pay for what you create, and  it’s precious those captions printed with your name following your babies. Then, you must face a little discreet inner drama and to deal with the question looking at the signature ; “ am I selling myself? Is that really the story I wanted to  tell?”

In a universe not far from that… the contra weights:

The narrow relation of the subjective object. You and your cameras at street. Ideas guided by instincts and your convictions yell loud and contagious , principles that urges nothing but to be listened times by times. You doomed by the sensation. That’s power..that’s filter to other voices. They want the lighting that touch, and to push the extremes on sensitiveness,  in denouncing the unexpected,  the autonomy of the unpretentious moment, even when that happens to be the most preposterous well succeed style of composition a la the majority Magnum League. You breathe…you make a book, you hang on galleries. You master of the rules. You think like them and for them (audience and subjects). Your time, uncertainties, looking the overdue bills at the table in every concerning morning. You pay for that, but still hold the priceless feeling that the most important are those people contemplating your storytelling. And as guards of the night, sometimes the question rises and haunt; ‘the end of the month arrives…who pays for that now?

There aren’t half terms , half part of the equation, half angles of the problem. There are excuses and manias of compensation where to make a choice steps in a hostile territory of ethics and fair causes. Do I need to make it ? Can’t they co exist in distinct natures?

Think and don’t think so much, please. For the sake of photography field, there is emotional creativity and the  financial kind. I  stand up for both, I’m the first one to defend they can be confusing, that they will never be taken as rules, legitimate and labels. But specially because without the affront, the renounce, and doubts, the game , the overcoming, the camera would lost that weight…no challenge, fear, inspiration, there would be no need or space for creativity. Then, drop the pincer, jump from there, rest your feet and find a reason, but do it… and photograph

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